My ramblings on disengaging and letting the SS win... | Step Talk

I have basically disengaged from SS17 after the emails he sent to DH about me (and DH). I try to not discuss SS with DH if he brings him up and if SS comes around I basically do my own thing and leave any conversation/entertainment of SS to DH. SS comes over walks in the door, says hi to his dad and will not even acknowledge I am in the room. He will stay for a few hours spend the whole time talking to DH and even if I am in the room he will not say one word to me unless I speak to him first.

I have mixed feelings about this. Basically, I feel that by me withdrawing from anything that has to do with SS makes SS think he has WON the battle. I know that SS wants his dad to himself and does not want my input nor me being around when he is around. So when I disengage he HAS won. He gets his dad all to himself and he is LOVING it and I think DH LOVES it too! DH doesn't require SS to speak to me but always says I need to be the bigger person since I am the ADULT. DH loves that NOW SS is showing more one-one time with him and loves that he is now being all dependent and lovey with him (and I sit in the sidelines like a non-existent person when SS is around).

Not only has SS won this battle but what about the future battles. Since I have disengaged from SS and SS has "disengaged" from me where will this leave me for the future?

SS17 will graduate in the next year or two (hopefully) so will SS insist to DH that I am not invited to his graduation?

Then what about when he gets married or has his first child?

And to tell you the truth it gripes me for 4 reasons:

1) SS thinks he has WON!
2) SS treats me like I am a non-person but I have to treat him like the KIng of England!
3) BM will be invited to all of these LIFE events and will LOVE it that I am not invited!
4) BM will see all of this as the "HAPPY FAMILY" occasions and at each one will try to prove her agenda to DH!

So in the end does disengaging profit a SP any at all?

- I am not spoken to in my own home and treated like I am not in existence!

- I will be uninvited to any and all LIFE events for SS (if he and BM has their way). Which in turn will leave me out of DH's major LIFE events too! SS, DH and BM will have these "HAPPY FAMILY" occasions and I will be left out in the cold.

- DH will always feel like he needs to show SS extra attention when he is around so I will always be left on the back burner again!

Step parenting sucks! I feel like no matter what I do my back is up against the wall and I can't win!

I just want a "normal" family. Where the parents/adults are there for each other and for the children and the children don't try to come between the husband and wife team.

My parents have been married 65 years and not once would one of my siblings think to invite my father and not my mother or vice versa (even though my father is a jerk)!!!

Not once would one of my parents go to a graduation, wedding or birth of a grandchild and expect the other parent to stay at home alone because they were not "invited"! Either both were invited or both stayed at home!

I am sick of the whole step parenting scene!

What is your thoughts or experiences?

Source: http://www.steptalk.org/node/92141

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